So last week, some lunatic decided to make us all just a little more paranoid by trying to blow up a plane landing in Detroit. Just like the Shoe Bomber back in 2001, what we’re left with is the experience of more and more indignities, inconveniences and outright annoyances imposed on travelers so that we’ll be safer.

Not that I don’t appreciate it — I am grateful that someone is watching out for us. I suspect that they’ve prevented other incidents from occurring, ones we simply don’t know about. Still, I found it hard to not get annoyed that, for a long time, you couldn’t even bring an empty bottle past security, but had to fork out for expensive water in a bottle bigger than I wanted to carry. Amongst other things.

Like that obviously factory-sealed food would be confiscated. Or that an orange would be considered a “liquid” and seized (that was in the news a couple of days ago, in a complaint about how the TSA wasn’t consistent). Or that my hummus would be taken (liquid? gel? not sure? let’s take it!), brought only because they don’t serve food anymore on domestic flights (OK, not entirely true, but when they DO occasionally serve it, it’s soggy sandwiches and carbs. Thanks, but I’ll pass).

So now I own shoes to fly with — ones that slip on and off, that don’t require lacing. I consent to having everything dug through, and inspected, and organize myself in a manner so that I get the least of that experience, simply because I’d like to actually get on that plane. Here’s my problem, though:

When something like the Shoe Bomber occurs, or this last incident where the guy tried to light something as the plane was starting it’s descent, the resulting restrictions are always a direct reaction to that particular incident. We think the inflammatory substance was a liquid? Let’s make sure no, or nearly no liquids can get through security. Oh, he tried to light his shoes? Let’s check everyone’s shoes. Someone tried to store potentially explosive stuff in the seat pockets? No stuff allowed in seat pockets. Oh, he tried to light something less than an hour before landing? Let’s make everyone on international flights sit for the last hour with nothing in their laps. Explosives in his underwear? The flight originated in Amsterdam? Let’s do full-body scans, but (so far) only on flights from Amsterdam to the U.S. Obviously, I could go on.

Do you see how crazy this is? What if they next guy disguises his illegal whatever in a baseball cap? Poof, no hats allowed. Or in his down jacket? No overcoats or jackets permitted (although they better turn up the heat on those planes, or give us our blankets back if they do that!). Or it’s in someone’s purse, or their computer, or their electronic device like an iPod or Kindle. The possibilities are endless, unfortunately.

The second frustration comes from realizing that if the TSA was able to do its job completely (like it had sensitive enough equipment, for example) they would be catching whatever illegal explosives people were attempting to bring aboard BEFORE people got on the plane. So you could have all your stuff with you and without these damn restrictions. Although that might be a while…

The next time we look, we might be walking to the plane in our socks, checking our computers at the gate, eating airline food because they won’t allow ours, and listening to airline radio and TV and reading their magazines, because we won’t be allowed our electronic devices. (I’m actually stunned they allow us any electronic devices at all, but I’d guess there’d be a complete revolt if the airlines banned them). Shit, if the airlines were having trouble before, this’ll be the death knell of them — we’ll just return back to the 1960′s, where plane flight was rare and we all wrote more letters.

Although now we have Skype and email, which’ll help our self-imposed exile.

(photo courtesy of Mike Licht)